Disappearance!

If your looking for a way to disappear off the face of the Earth, 17 credits, 2 plays, and 1 part-time job is a winning formula. 

In the last month, I've had multiple friends try to call me or text me to ask if died, or ask if I suddenly decided to hate them. To all who have had such concerns: I haven't kicked the bucket yet, and I still love you.

It's just been one of those times that life throws your way that requires scaling back, one of those situations where the best you can do means keeping your head down and keep on walking. It's been a bit miserable and sleepless, yes, but satisfying in a sick and twisted way. You learn how sweet and valuable the air is when all you're trying to do is keep your head above the water.

Fear, as it settles unnoticed or otherwise in the back of the brain, has the tendency to afflict the eyes first. The stairs you've got to climb become a just a bit steeper and longer. The trenches one traverses, a lot more puddily, muddy, and wet. Fear pricks the eyes, dimming the world, and elongating all the wrong shadows. Once it's got your eyes, it's a straight shot to your heart, and when it's got your heart... that's when you cry.

So you cry, and learn to have a bit more courage. You learn to stand straighter, and hold your head a bit higher. You learn to open yourself up to the possibilities, even disappointment and failure. Life's no longer a personal insult, but an opportunity.

I hope. I'm fixing my proverbial posture and keeping my chin up, and here's the real kicker: I'm beginning to understand what I want now. Well, kind of... And here I thought I was done figuring out this whole gay thing... But I'll formulate those thoughts later.