Something Worth Celebrating

On Parental Hope and Heartbreak was posted on Doves & Serpents at the beginning of this month. I have to say... it was a refreshing read.

I have family members that are under the impression that the greatest failure for them is the fact that I don't hold the same beliefs or understand the world the same way that they do. I didn't realize how pervasive this sentiment was in Mormon culture, at least, I never heard someone articulate it so poignantly until I read the blog post above.

I have to agree with the blog post; it's sad when family members believe that they've failed because a family member is learning and growing. It'd be different if I was being unhealthy and self-destructive. But genuine self-discovery and healthy growth? How's that even worth the energy it takes to mourn? Celebrating a family members growing into himself/herself seems much more productive.

A Conversation That I'm Having

I'm taking this from a conversation I'm having on Facebook with a recent acquaintance. I love this conversation! Putting things down on paper (on computer?) helps me better shape what I believe, so I'm posting my contribution to the conversation here:


"BTW, I love this conversation. It's really beneficial to me, and I really love to think out and express my testimony. It gives me chance to reevaluate where I am, and helps me see what I need to improve on.


That being said, I'd like to preface my thoughts with this: Recognizing my attraction to other men has been the catalyst for me to question why I believe what I believe. I have had to be brutally honest with myself, and with the way that I've lived in the Church. I want to be as close to God as I can be, and so I do the best with the faculties I've been given.


I respectfully disagree with the idea that the Church is true or it isn't. I believe Joseph Smith saw what he saw, and I believe that he established a very true and good religion. I also believe that our Heavenly Father has a divine plan for all of his children, and the narrative of history seems to point to the idea that our Father provides all his children with truths according to what they are willing to receive. Essentially, I believe that the Church plays a vital role in the salvation of the human race, but I recognize the very real presence of God in other faiths.


I've never had to articulate why I believe things are true before, so I thank you for that opportunity. I judge what is true based off of spiritual confirmation of the scriptures, spiritual confirmation of other people witnessing to me, and common experience. Truth also leads to health, physical, spiritual, emotional, etc., so I take that into account too.


I guess feelings do play a role in how I determine things to be true. But I also use the faculties God has provided me to engage with what I feel. From my observation, that's when the Spirit steps in and carries me.


I factor in what the Prophets say and what the Scriptures say when mulling over truth. To answer your questions more fully, I think that I weigh self-evidence very heavily when determining truth. If what the Prophets and what the Scriptures are telling me seems insensitive, cruel, unfeeling, unreasonable or not self-evident, I do hold on to skepticism. That's where faith comes in though; I have faith in the Atonement, and I have faith in well-meaning servants of God throughout all ages.


I hope that fleshed out my perspectives for you! Thank you for this great conversation :)"


I feel really good about these thoughts... For now, they help me navigate the way I deal with Mormonism.

A Blank Slate

You pay a price to be a Mormon. Well, you pay a price to be anything really, but it's only recently that I've been thinking about what that looks like as I wade my way through Mormonism. I realize that I want to pay the appropriate amount to be a Mormon man congruent with what I think is true and sensible and spiritual. It's tricky though, figuring out what the price is that I am willing to pay.

And so, I've decided, it's time to just start at the very beginning. I hope to post my observations as I attend Sacrament meeting, read my scriptures on a (somewhat) daily basis, and pray a bit more earnestly and regularly. Perhaps as I do this, I'll find out what I'm truly willing to spend to be a part of my community.

Here is my first observation: My old beliefs are, essentially, dead. Coming out and accepting my gay identity has led me to rethink the ways in which Heavenly Father moves through the world, the ways in which He speaks to His children, and the ways in which I tie my personal spiritual health to a religious institution. I feel, more or less, like a blank slate. Mormonism is still valuable and exciting to me, and I want to participate in it.

So here is a post, a road marker, in my journey; may the odds be ever in my favor.