And Another Step Out

I came out to my brother yesterday, and all is well. Better even :)

I was going to tell him while we were out on a walk the day before, but he started talking about how his nipples got hard in the cold. I thought if I brought up my gayness then he would have been distracted by how are conversation was evolving. Mostly, I was afraid he'd get weird. I missed having him around, and I didn't want to drive him away when I was enjoying the little time we had together while he was visiting Provo.

But when I did fill him in on this fairly recent discovery of mine, it made us closer. I believe its true what people say; your true friends do become closer when you come out them. In fact, he opened up, and talked to me about stuff he'd never told me before. It was a brotherly experience. That's the best way to describe it.

I thought about telling my parents, but they were here for a wedding. I didn't want to cause drama, or make it too painfully obvious to them that the future they always saw me having probably won't happen. But one step at a time... and this, this was a beautiful victory.

God, You Can't Have my Gay

I don't try to pray the Gay away.

Last time I tried, God told me to stop being such a whiner. “Kid, what am I to do with you?” He said. “Don't you have better things to be doing than to complain to me about how you like boys and can't be with girls? There are some great guys out there, so don't worry!”

Probably the best answer I could have gotten. I know what God was trying to say. If I was Him, I'd probably have just busted out a “You don't know me!” or a “Get on my level!”.

But that's why I'm glad that I'm not the father of billions of kids. Huh, they'd never talk to me.

So I don't try to pray the Gay away. Try to pawn it off to God, and He'll tell you He's got all the Gay he needs, and that He doesn't give the Gay to just anyone. He'll tell you it's a bit ungrateful to be trying to return gifts to the gift giver.

It's pretty clear I'm stuck with the Gay, and I'm pretty okay with that too. I just wanted to see if God really meant to give me the Gay. It was more of an “Are you sure?” gesture than anything. I thought about re-gifting it, but the glitter and sequins that come with the Gay cause people to think it would be all the more generous and charitable of me to keep it for myself. Can't really just throw it out either... Nothing is more pitiful than seeing someone else's sad and neglected Gay in a trash can or living in a cardboard box.

When I think about it, I realize I do good with my Gay; me and my Gay are tight. It looks best on me, and really, it looks awkward on anyone else. It's embarrassing when other people try to be my kind of Gay. Because I'm me, and no one understands my Gay like I do. No one will ever take it away from me.

When I kneel down to pray, I let Him know He can't take away the Gay.

Sanctus

This is the beginning of a new project for me. I'm excited to see where this train of thought goes...

“Holy, holy, holy Lord God of Sabaoth,

heaven and earth are full of thy glory.”

“For behold, this is my work and my glory --- to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”

(Moses 1:39)

“...What is [man]? He had his being in the eternal worlds; he existed before he came here. He is not only the son of man, but he is the son of God also. He is a God in embryo, and possesses within him a spark of that eternal flame which was struck from the blaze of God's eternal fire in the eternal world....” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: John Taylor)

We, infants who landed on this pitiful ball of rock, are obligated to learn something while we have the time. Any truly loving parent is willing to look past the bruises and scrapes that cover the bodies of their prodigal children and welcome them home, if they can hold themselves a bit taller and they can express a bit more wisdom. In anticipation of that eminent reunion, we busy our hands with the materials of this mortal realm.

And we try to be like God. How much closer can we get, and how much more surely can we secure a place with our Father than through emulation? In admiration and with reverent awe, we take upon ourselves his work, and in degrees, His glory.

As the alignment to the ultimate goodness occurs in our hearts, we come to realize that this journey home is not to be made alone. Heavenly Father declares “my work and my glory [is] to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” Any glory we obtain is through obedience to Him, by accomplishing His work. It is clear; God and man's goal is the same! Our ultimate goal is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

We see each other every day. We may smile as we walk past each other, and/or give a friendly wave. We might ask, “How are you doing?” or “How was your day?” But do we recognize that the answers to these questions are the keys that unlock the doors to heavenly mansions?

We need each other, every day. We need to smile, and we need to take our brothers and sisters by the hand. It is not out of pleasant feelings or casual goodness that we should approach each other. Collectively, we will make it home if we recognize that this is salvation: to hoist the broken and weary on our backs and carry them to Heaven. In short, we must follow the perfect example of Christ.