God, You Can't Have my Gay

I don't try to pray the Gay away.

Last time I tried, God told me to stop being such a whiner. “Kid, what am I to do with you?” He said. “Don't you have better things to be doing than to complain to me about how you like boys and can't be with girls? There are some great guys out there, so don't worry!”

Probably the best answer I could have gotten. I know what God was trying to say. If I was Him, I'd probably have just busted out a “You don't know me!” or a “Get on my level!”.

But that's why I'm glad that I'm not the father of billions of kids. Huh, they'd never talk to me.

So I don't try to pray the Gay away. Try to pawn it off to God, and He'll tell you He's got all the Gay he needs, and that He doesn't give the Gay to just anyone. He'll tell you it's a bit ungrateful to be trying to return gifts to the gift giver.

It's pretty clear I'm stuck with the Gay, and I'm pretty okay with that too. I just wanted to see if God really meant to give me the Gay. It was more of an “Are you sure?” gesture than anything. I thought about re-gifting it, but the glitter and sequins that come with the Gay cause people to think it would be all the more generous and charitable of me to keep it for myself. Can't really just throw it out either... Nothing is more pitiful than seeing someone else's sad and neglected Gay in a trash can or living in a cardboard box.

When I think about it, I realize I do good with my Gay; me and my Gay are tight. It looks best on me, and really, it looks awkward on anyone else. It's embarrassing when other people try to be my kind of Gay. Because I'm me, and no one understands my Gay like I do. No one will ever take it away from me.

When I kneel down to pray, I let Him know He can't take away the Gay.