"For writing so much about how much you've accepted yourself, you sure do dollop a heavy dose of mistrust on top of everything you do... Self-hate, some people might call it. You're always bringing to mind the perfect and the ideal. You think in half-hearted 'if only's'. What's that to you, huh? Is it to hold you safely back? Are you afraid of what you could be? No, more like your afraid of what you should be...
"That sounds about right. You've got power and potential and influence unimaginable. A roiling pot of possibility is what you are! Your Ambition is up on the diving board ready to jump in and revel in it, but Your Hesitancy keeps calling up to Your Ambition: "Enjoy mediocrity just a bit longer, why don'cha?
"(Your Hesitancy is Minnesotan apparently; just roll with it.)
"Ugh! So melodramatic! I can't stand that about you, you know that right? You're all about sipping Diet Coke and counting your calories and getting your panties all knotted up worrying about what the next word is going to be. You can use normal-people words you know... thinking up intricate alliterations is a pain in the ass anyway.
"So what's the big deal? Why are you busy all the time? Why don't you check up on your friends? What are you even busy with? Nevermind, you don't want to talk to me anyway... I'm sorry. That probably hurt a bit.
"It's so true though, you don't say anything. I ask, 'What are you thinking about?' and your like, 'Nothin' and I'm like, 'How's your day?' and your like, 'It's good.' Ughhhh, and you say it with such a pleasant blankness that can only mean, 'I don't want to talk to you. Go away!' Is that what your trying to tell people? Get out of my life and shut up? (Don't answer that. I'm not finished yet.)
"You just act like an enigma all the freakin' time. You let out these drawn out siiiiiggghhhhsss and then look off into the distance with 'a sad brow' as Shakespeare would say, and expect people to flock to you and cry, 'Please, oh please let us in, apronkid!' Like whatever your thinking is worth our time. You know what I think it is? You don't have anything to say. There's nothing new up there, and it's not worth listening to.
"And you know what? I'm okay with that because every day, you spout out more nonsensical poetical dribble (that is, when you actually talk) same as the day before. When you see your fly is unzipped, you zip it up, even if we're in public. You get all bent out of shape because you don't know the meaning of life, or it dawns on you that the true nature of reality is unknowable. Yes... you do that. It happens multiple times a day; you'll just be doing your thing like washing the dishes or something... and bam! Your eyes glaze over and your soap covered hands go limp and I have to turn off the sink before it overflows. Next time you have to reevaluate whether the soul exists after this life or not, turn off the damn water will ya?
"It's a good thing you like long walks. It's also a good thing that you love Lady Gaga and Ke-dollar sign-ha and Katy Perry and... dare I say his name? ...David Archuleta. (Stop drooling!) Although its rather stereotypical of you, its nice to know that whoever programmed your robot insides decided to add some semblance of feeling. And you know what? I just railed on you for a few minutes now, and I'm pretty sure you enjoyed it.
"Nah, you loved it.
"And here's the fun part: your gonna get all huffy and mad, and run off to your room like your going to cry. The moment you slam that door shut though your gonna smile and your gonna silently celebrate this little victory... Because you got me, and I hate you for it."
"Too much good fortune can make you smug and unaware. Happiness should be like an oasis, the greener for the desert that surrounds it."
-Rachel Field
Uh... wow. Any backstory to this?
ReplyDeleteIt's the description of an introverted people pleaser (which I am), and a reflection on the odd, cyclical quirks and habits everybody has. It's a compilation of what I've thought of myself, and what other have said of me in the past; a kind of collage, I think.
ReplyDeleteWhat I think is really interesting is that despite a person's faults or weirdnesses, they can still find people that love them faults, weirdnesses, warts, and all. That's important to success, I think.