I really want to try to get through to my parents. I know my Mom is trying to be understanding and accepting of her gay son, and I appreciate her effort. My Dad, I think, needs to be educated about homosexuality and the Church. That last sentence was pretty blunt, but that's how I feel.
Several parents of USGA members spoke to USGA last night and one idea I heard over and over again was that parents need to be educated. They need to dig deep into the research about homosexuality and into Church History. Acceptance and love then become more readily available to them. Lots of parents have to throw away their dreams for their children when their children come out. Research provides them the tools they need to build a new dream for their gay children.
So maybe I can shape my parent's dream for me. I want to give my Mom No More Goodbyes by Carol Lynn Pearson. She loves to read, and I think it would be interesting for her to hear those experiences and thoughts expressed in the book. I actually haven't read it (I tend to shy away from emotional, heavy reads... I don't have the stamina for it.), but the book is always recommended and praised when mentioned in conversation. I trust my friend's opinion on this one.
I've also been thinking about getting my Mom in contact with parents of other gay Mormons. I think she needs someone to talk to; my Dad can be pretty over-bearing in his opinions, and without my brother and I, I think my Mom has few people she can openly express things to at home. Maybe another mother of a gay son would be a helpful link for her.
And then, maybe, my Mom will be able to approach my Dad with all this and help him grow. I know that right now I can't reach him. I am apostatizing in his mind. He also won't look up Carol Lynn Pearson or Bill Bradshaw because his apostate son suggested them as resources. It's frustrating, and I hope my Mom can get through to him.
Ultimately, these things take time. I haven't really pushed this conversation --- I'm letting them approach it as they please --- But maybe I can guide them, and maybe we can draw a bit closer from it all.
Good luck as you set out to do this. Another good resource is "Gay Mormons?..." compiled by Brent Kirby. It's a mass of gay Mormon stories from the full spectrum of faith and Church involvement written in a way that does not judge anyone's choices as right or wrong but simply tells their stories. I think this is extremely powerful for people like your mom who may just need an opportunity to become acquainted with the gay Mormon experience (because, as I see it, simply being exposed to many people's realities is a key component and goes the further in changing minds than just arguing about implications).
ReplyDeletePersonally, I actually like "Gay Mormons" better as an introductory text than "No More Goodbyes" because it's a bit less strident. I mean, I like CLP's stridence and think it's a good thing, but its more effective--again, in my opinion--for "waking someone up" to potential for tragedy or for drawing conclusions about people's experiences. Perhaps your mom has already been exposed to this sort of thing in the past? I recommend you check the book out and consider sharing it with her.
I think No More Goodbyes is an excellent, excellent idea. The book really helped my parents a lot.
ReplyDeleteNo More Goodbyes helped my mom a lot.
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