5 Songs I Will Inevitably End Up Playing At Least Once During A Run

I don't know if anyone else does this, but when I got running I usually end up playing the same song three or four times in a row. By the end of my run I've listen to like, five songs, hahaha!

There are a few songs I do end up listening to pretty much every run though, and it's kind of an embarrassing list. Naturally, I've decided to share them with you:

Hair (Lady Gaga)

Till The World Ends (Britney Spears, Nicki Minaj, Ke$ha)

Galaxies (Owl City)

These Are The Nights (Making April)

Love is Dead (The Lovemakers)

I usually play each song multiple times because I like to imagine what a music video would look like for each of them, and sometimes I don't like what I end up imagining so I have to start the song all over again and try again :P It's an amusing game to play while running!

I feel like I haven't posted anything weighty on here for awhile; I've just been posting silly little things that make me happy. That's okay, though! Something in my personality that I've started to pick up on is the fact that the creative in me tends to only manifest itself in times of stress/distress. That sleep sex issue I wrote about, like, my third post? Yeah, I ended up writing a one act musical during that time, when I felt the most bleak. I don't say that to boast, because the script is rather verbose, silly, and melodramatic (hmmm...), but I look back on it and see it as a way that I funneled all my black and frustrated feelings away from myself. It was kind of an emotional vomit. I know that's gross; but I feel there is a lot of cool art out there that is a result of the need just let something out and let it go.

So let things come and go as naturally as you can. I've felt in the past that I had this crazy obligation to the world that I needed to do something big, something that the world had never seen before. I don't think it was ambition because the drive never took me any where. It was more of this persistent, nagging feeling that I used to force myself into way too many projects and make myself miserable. I felt I owed something to the world, and I literally have made myself sick over the feeling before. Reflecting on it now, it was an awful cycle to be in! I'm trying to break that cycle.

I'd like to blame being Mormon, I really would, but I feel like that would be unfair. Sure, I think that I have used the same unhealthy self-motivation technique at Church. "I don't feel like reading my scriptures for 30 minutes every day, but I have to, I have to!" "I don't agree with what the prophet is saying but I have to agree, I have to agree!" I had to do the actions and I had to nod my head because I owed it to God. What? Really? That's what you owe to God Elliot? No God would appreciate empty actions or nods, at least that is my understanding. Again, I have been guilty of a very empty pattern that is spiritually unhealthy. And I've started to break that cycle too.

Anyway, these thoughts are all connected to and support a new trend in my life, and that trend is one of listening and acknowledging myself. No more projects that I don't want to do, and no more spiritual self-abuse. Life right now is listening to those inner cues, the sensation and motivation that is already in me. Maybe I will learn new ways to live; that'd be cool! I always enjoy a good discovery :)