apronkid

Random fact of the day: I really want a tobacco pipe and rosary beads. I don't really want to smoke, but I just want to have a pipe around when I read and stuff. I only kind of sort of want to engage in meditative prayer... but I want to try it to see what it feels like.

But anyways, apronkid. Did I ever explain why I used this name on my blog? The name has to do with two things: 1.) The apron stage, or the apron of the stage and 2.) The apron that you where when your cooking or painting.

The apron of the stage is what juts out past the curtain. It's certainly the closest to the audience, and I think performers naturally feel more vulnerable there than anywhere else on the stage. What I post here I do intentionally in an attempt to step away from my comfort zone and admit things that I habitually hide from people. More often than not, I feel like nothing more than some dysfunctional kid trying to be normal. It takes conscious effort to pull out of the perspective and say "hey, you are who you are! it's okay." That's what I try to put out here: those odd dysfunctional type emotions and thoughts so I can sort through them and make them into something. You know this is the most effective journal I have? I think it's because I refuse to blubber here and talk about how depressing my life is haha, which is something I did when I wrote my life down in books. By presenting myself to an audience on a website, I am put in a position where I feel like I can be accountable to myself for what I say. Kids say lots of silly things. On this apron stage, it is me up here on deck and you down in the audience. You don't have to say anything, just know that your being there helps apronkid out :)

I feel a little silly about the second reason I used the name apronkid. When it comes to jobs that I've worked, I feel like I've always had to wear aprons. I wore an apron at the pottery store. I wore an apron at the smoothie place. I wear an apron at the bakery. I have a particular talent for making messes, so my aprons are always pretty grubby after a day's work. Yet every time it's the end of the day and that apron comes off, something magical happens. I peel off my disgusting apron and voila! I'm clean! There's nothing like it. I can hold that stained piece of clothing in front of me and say "wow, what a mess. i don't have to wear it anymore." And then I can just throw it in the hamper. No sweat. I can walk away clean.

And I can do that here on this blog you know? Everyday I have this apron on, and I muck it up with all the thoughts I'm thinking, dreams I'm dreaming, and stuff I'm stuffing. Then, at the end of it all, I can sit down on my computer and write it out. I walk away cleaner, happier, and as a more purposeful kid.

Kids need that kind of a way out because they have a tendency to muck everything up too. They're clumsy with their bodies, unfamiliar with the mechanics of life. In a child's wake could be stains, spills, crumbs... fires even, I guess. Give a kid an apron though, and he doesn't have to be afraid of making a mess and the adults angry. When the deed is done, he can pull the apron off and there's one clean kid with all the experience and no worse for wear.

So that's the name. It's special to me, and I'll keep it around :)