And Tonight, Father, I Sing for You.

 

For awhile now, my Dad has been wondering if I am gay. Tonight, he finally sent me an email in which he expressed his concern for me as I continue to navigate what it means to be Gay and Mormon. I officially came out to him tonight, and here is what I wrote:

Thanks for the note Dad, I really do appreciate it.

I didn't know when the best time would be to tell you, but I guess since you have been thinking about it already I will be honest: I am gay.

But I imagine it isn't really a surprise. From all my challenges and trials I have faced, you probably wondered, as I did, why I was so different. You cannot imagine the peace I felt when I finally accepted this piece of myself.

I'm still committed to God, and I am still a spiritual person. I am still Mormon :) It's unfortunate that I even have to come out and say that I still love God, but it's the tragic truth that people believe that one can't be spiritual and gay. I just want to let you know that I have faith and I am gay, and many of my friends here at BYU find ways to be spiritual despite the homophobic atmosphere we live in.

The truth is, this atmosphere and people can be stifling, and it is exhausting to find truth and acceptance here. It's hard to feel the Spirit when your afraid someone will judge you for being who you are, for being honest.

Dad, I want you to know that I have felt the Spirit confirm the divine nature of my sexuality. I have felt God's love for me as a gay, Mormon man. I have brought before God, in prayer, my decisions. I want to marry a man, and God condones my decision.

I believe the Law of Chastity applies to all sexualities equally. I believe the prophet's words when they speak as mouthpieces of God, and not as men. I believe Christ's Atonement is sufficient for my mistakes. I believe that God's law is love.

This isn't about sex, or even sexual urges. This is about true love that God wants everyone to have. I don't believe that falling in love with another man and seeking to build a family with him as equal partners is a sin. My desires are righteous, and I know that.

I realize that I am not in full alignment with what the Church teaches today. But I'm doing the best I can! How do I reconcile what the Church teaches, and what I know to be right and true? This weekend I attended a conference called Circling the Wagons. It was sponsored by Mormon Stories, and was focused on discussing what it is like to be Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender in the Church. We talked with each other, encouraging each other to find truth and follow the Spirit.

I bore my testimony at this conference, and here is what I said: "I just want a home. I want to come home, to be home. By home, I mean the peace and security of God's love that I know is God's true church." I want to belong here in Mormonism, because I love it! I recently talked to my stake president, Dad, and it is very clear to me that because of my feelings, I am a second rate citizen in this Church. If I were heterosexual, I would not have been humiliated like I was, nor would I have been as disturbed by what I heard in that meeting. But I know that I am a Son of God, and I will be open and honest with everyone about who I am and what I stand for.

Things are changing in this Church that I so dearly love, Dad. I know a gay couple who were just married, who didn't have sex before marriage, and who are active Mormons. If they were a heterosexual couple they would have their temple recommends and be members in good standing. After they consummated their marriage, they were brought in for a disciplinary council. This council was to decide what to do with these men, who happened to be gay, but otherwise were in good standing with the Church. Were they excommunicated? Were they disfellowshipped? No. There was no decision; that was the official verdict.

The Church doesn't have revelation on cases such as these, but I believe one day we will. Variations of this story are happening all around North America, and I think it's exciting.

I apologize for such a long, disorganized response to your email, but I want to be honest with you. I was scared to tell you any of this because I know how you feel about homosexuality, but here are my thoughts. I love you very much, and I hope that we can continue talking about this.

Your Son,

Elliot

P.S. Check out "No More Goodbyes" by Carol Lynn Pearson. It's a fantastic book.

I hope I said all the right things. I hope this resonates with him. I hope for the best.