First off, I've recently been getting emails from wonderful people who enjoy reading my blog! Now, granted, some of it is spam, but most of it is truly heartfelt. To you guys, let me just say that I'm so glad that these ramblings mean something to you. This blog helps me stay strong, and helps me (I can't believe I'm saying this... curse you Disney!) stay true to myself. May it do the same for everyone who reads my sporadic postings.
First an inventory of my day:
1.) I wore the pants and the suit coat of two different suits as to put together another suit to sing in the BYU's Combined Choir for the prophet. Needless to say, I looked ridiculous, and, naturally, I ended up singing in the front row. (Go Elliot!)
2.) President Monson watched The Lion King, and quoted it over the pulpit today... (Go Disney?)
3.) Tonight, I am watching 30 Rock episodes and realizing how much Liz Lemon and I have in common. I don't know if I should be appalled or delighted. (Go Tina Fey!)
4.) After another annoying voice lesson, I am beginning to suspect that I'm not a true blue tenor, but a lyric baritone or something. This could throw a wrench into auditioning this month... (Yeah Wrenches!)
Now Second:
I'm excited for this weekend. I'm going to Circling the Wagons, a conference that will be centered on discussing the space where the Mormon and LGBTQ experiences intersect. It's a space where I live and thrive. It's also a space that many struggle to accept and feel comfortable with.
Come if you can, and invite everyone you can! We all need this.
And I honestly believe we really do need this. I hope for there to be a more accepted, loving space for Mormons who identify as LGBTQ. I consciously try to create such a space for me and my friends here at BYU. It's hard because both the Gay and the Mormon elements create walls, barriers. Both draw lines and say, "Here is where I can't compromise. Just accept me."
And I don't think that's going to get anyone anywhere. Both need to reach a place where understanding and non-judgement color the actions of both parties. I say that, and I realize that I'm still thinking in binaries. As if Gay and Mormon were polar opposites of a spectrum! They're not, and there are thousands of beautiful individuals who prove that. I'm hoping this conference proves that to everyone who hears about it.
I just want there to be a place where I don't have to be afraid or pressured this way or that because I am a Gay Mormon. I have that in USGA, truly, but USGA is only so big.... We can't reach everyone the group is meant for.
Just like my heterosexual brothers and sisters, my haven should be that place that Lehi saw in vision: at the foot of the Tree of Life, close to the Savior of the World. I should feel peaceful and safe in the Church, but I don't. And I know many who feel this way. Isn't that awful? That the our Savior's love can be tainted by our brothers and sisters ill-masked homophobia and "good intentions"?
I promised myself when I came out that in every way I could, I would bring myself closer to the truth. I hope for more understanding. I pray to be courageous, open and honest. I am delighted that I get to spend my weekend with others who are striving for the same.
I hope to see you there :)
