And so it begins...this is my blog.
Bah! It makes me so nervous! Here I go! Dive! Dive! Dive!
I had this really thoughty thought the other day that really got me thinking, and that thought was this:
Why don't I create stuff anymore?
My senior year of high school is this bright and shiny blur of neon colors, and the whole time it was like I had this buzz; it was some sort of creative tick. Between leading a marching band, acting/set designing/graphic designing for high school theatre productions, singing my face off in choir and being the Bishop's first assistant, I pumped out my own one act musical with original pieces and arranged/composed music for fun in my spare time and directed it all as a senior project. Haha, what a life! Senior year was some sort of personal Renaissance.
(Now, mind you, this isn't bragging. Actually, I look back now and sometimes it makes me sick to think how much I put myself through just to look like I was the best at everything...)
And then I went to BYU...
...became mentally unstable, and consequentially took a year off from higher education to regroup and create a healthier space. Creating a healthier space meant, among other things, realizing I've been living life in The Closet, with Capital Letters. It was an unexpected bump in the road, to be sure. (Wasn't I supposed to be going on a mission or something?) I feel much better now, thank you, and am definitely in a good place.
The problem with this good place, however, is the fact I have had no willpower to create stuff. My most compelling creative juices have just been sucked away for reasons unknown. I cannot abide being a prune of former creativity. The image disturbs me.
So as I ponder my thoughty thought I remember that one of the most rewarding aspects of creating a song or a story or an essay or something is being able to share it with others. If you make something, what's the point if you don't share it? That goes for ideas and baked goods. People share their crappy baked goods with neighbors and friends all the time... it's mind boggling o_0
And so, I have come to this conclusion: I will share my thoughts and experiences on this blog. The big ones, the small ones, the stupid meaningless variety... It doesn't really matter. Hopefully by doing a little bit more sharing I'll feel more encouraged to make something worthwhile. And because this is a blog, you can come with me :P
This is Kingsfold, 7676D. It's a blog, not a street address. Feel free to stop by anytime :)
Welcome!
ReplyDeleteI remember the fear of that first post! Despite the fear the first post is so exciting at the same time. FINALLY, a space where you can say whatever you need to say.
Sounds like our BYU experiences were similar... I both love and hate that school simultaneousness. I really liked a lot of my professors and classes, but other aspects were stifling.
I am flattered to make your "Welcomed Diversions" list. Thanks!
Hahaha, well, at the risk of sounding creepy and really cheesy, I've read so many of your posts and I think they're really fascinating, thoughtful and inspiring.
ReplyDeleteI definitely have a love/hate relationship with BYU. There isn't anything on Earth that prepares you for Provo culture shock. But then, there's alot to love, which is why I'll be going back in January, but I often wonder how my perspective will change now that I've come out to myself.
As a veteran of almost four whole weeks in the Blogosphere, I, too, welcome you and congratulate you, apronkid. I look forward to reading your musings, and, like Kiley, am flattered that my blog is among your Welcome Diversions. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteWelcome apronkid!
ReplyDeleteYou're now in the MoHo Directory - so, it official :) Welcome to the Mormon Queerosphere.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to cyberspace! Pull up a virtual foot-stool and make yourself at home, kiddo!
ReplyDeleteHahaha what a welcome :) thanks everybody
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the blogging community! :-) I'm new as well. I appreciated your entry referencing Kolob because I'm intrigued by the whole concept of Kolob.
ReplyDeleteI can relate a little about BYU. My freshman year there was tough. I actually ended up finding my niche (even though I was very far in the closet) and enjoyed it somewhat. I loved the mountains and all that there was to do in the outdoors. I had a lot of great professors and can't complain too much about my experience there.
That's why I chose to go back to grad school which ended up being one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Even though I had learned to love Provo years ago, going back after accepting I was gay and did not believe in the gospel was hard. I no longer could relate to the community or the people around me and it was not a good experience. That is an understatement. I lasted there 5 months and had to leave to keep sane. It doesn't have to be like that for everyone though and maybe it will work out well for you. We're all different with different, unique experiences and personalities so good luck! At least you have found a gay community to reach out to when needed. :-)
Nice to meet you apronkid. Thanks for your kind words on my blog. I look forward to sharing in your journey.
ReplyDelete