Bittersweet.

Item of note: Apronkid is actually wearing an apron as he writes today! It just so happens that I have just finished cutting out a legion gingerbread men, women, girls, and boys... and one gingerbread duck. (I have mad gingerbread shaping skills.)

Now on with my post:

(A post that continues the continuation that was my last post which, incidentally, continued the post before it.)

Destination #3: The Bachelor Party

I didn't squirm when the groom unwrapped a gummy thong that actually had a nutrition label. It wasn't even the Tuggie (a Snuggie for your junk) that caused me discomfort. Nah, the gifts were hilarious. I was uncomfortable because I didn't know anybody...

...Except for the groom; I know the groom. But I only know him because I'm friends with his bride. A scan of our table at that wing place we were at confirmed that I was the only groomsman from the bride's circle of friends. The rest were the groom's brothers, and other friends that had known him much, much longer than I have.

The party was Monday, the same day that I ate with the Friend at IHOP. At lunch, I had explained to her how anxious I was about going to this bachelor party because whenever I imagined the groom's brothers and friends, I imagined these huge, scruffy tough guys. I imagined them to be quite trucker-esque. And boy, did I hit the nail on the head. There I was, in my skinny jeans, slim fit shirt and my hair all faux hawked, sitting with a group of men whose flannel shirts and baggy jeans screamed “MANLY” men. There was way, way too much testosterone at that table.

I didn't have too much in common with everybody else. Most were watching the football game on the big screen, and some were reminiscing with the groom about the “good old times” and about friends who weren't there at the party. Football is only semi-interesting to me, and I had no clue what the “good old times” were or who could possibly be missing from our table. There was a brief discussion about theatre, Ke$ha, and Usher which I participated in. (Did you know Usher got beat up by a couple of women he was sleeping with during his concert tour? Apparently they teamed up and injured him so bad he had to cancel one of his concerts. Anyway...) Then I had the whole table's attention at one point because I disclosed that I knew what the bride had “in store” for the groom (the bride and I had this discussion years ago). I'm glad that I was able to contribute in my own special way to the collective sexual innuendo that was that bachelor party.

At dinner, it was quite apparent that I wasn't one of them. Not being part of this really close-knit group, yet having the honor of being this guy's groomsman, was an odd feeling. What was cool was that, even though I didn't say much and I wasn't a familiar face, most everyone just kind of accepted the fact that I was the outsider. They didn't try to change that either, which I guess to some people would come across as rude, but I found the space they gave me really comforting. They were welcoming, and they were kind, but they didn't force me to be included.

Before I go on, let it be known that every event in my life doesn't end in me realizing how great being gay is. (I just end up posting all the events that do :P) I'd just like to point out that in situations past where I was stuck hanging out with a bunch of straight guys like this, I was miserable. Let me emphasize that: I WAS MISERABLE. As a guy who perceived himself as being straight, I desperately wanted to be “one of the guys.” Everyone at that bachelor party was “one of the guys.” In that past, I'd get all depressed and moody and awkward because somewhere deep down, I knew I wasn't the same as everybody else. Now, at that bachelor party, I was most definitely awkward. Awkward because I am different, and if that's me, I'm proud of it. I'm gay, and in most social situations that makes me the outsider. These days, I am very happy to accept that.

So while the bachelor party was uncomfortable, I still had fun. It satisfied me to be there for the groom, and it satisfied me to see just how much I've changed/grown in the last year.

After dinner, we went bowling. The bachelor party was in Winchester, about an hour from where I live, so I had no idea where the bowling alley was. The groom hopped in my car and gave me directions to the place. Poor guy was tired; he hadn't been sleeping well for about a week. He was nervous and excited about the wedding. I was excited for them; he and his girl are in love... a beautiful thing for sure.

After two decent games of bowling, I drove home.

Destination #4: The Wedding

I've had all sorts of weird feelings about my friend's wedding, so I'll just jot down a few things:

--- Have you ever been told off in the temple lobby? I have. Twice. Apparently, we were too loud when we were waiting for the sealing to take place... But the lobby was filled with like, fifty people; of course it was loud! I think the receptionist specifically scolded the younger crowd to teach us an important lesson about the temple. But I have yet to figure out what the lesson was. Our conversation literally went like this:

“Brothers and sisters, do you know where you are?”

My friends and I recoil from the stern voice, and look at each other in silence. Is this really happening?

I answer, “We're at the temple.”

“That's right.” the receptionist says. Then he walks away.

Hmmm, alright... Lesson learned... But what lesson exactly? This happened two times! Two! I'm such a hoodlum...

--- The picture taking was a cold and windy ordeal. The front entrance of the Washington D.C. Temple is like a freaking wind tunnel. At least I was in a suit. Those poor bridesmaids must have been freezing in their dresses.

--- I was pleasantly surprised by the bride's dress. I shouldn't have been surprised; she has great taste. I just couldn't help but doubt her when she said her dress would have fur on it. Of course, I'm thinking it's going to look ghetto fabulous, but she ended up looking like that Snow Queen Lady from The Lion, Witch, & the Wardrobe. Except she didn't look evil and there weren't any icicles... Sorry, I'm doing a horrible job of explaining this, but I thought a wedding dress would look awful with fur. Her dress didn't, and she was gorgeous. The end :P

--- At the reception, I may or may not have been covering for a bridesmaid friend of mine who may or may not have been making out with someone in a laundry room (the reception was at a hotel). Oh how I love weddings...

--- I was on the verge of tears during the mother and groom dance. They were swaying/blubbering to Phil Collin's You'll Be in My Heart. It was a really sweet moment. The women were crying, and the all the men were crying too, in a manly I'm-trying-really-hard-to-stop-the-tears kind of way.

--- As for how I felt during the wedding festivities, I was happy and sad at the same time. It's weird seeing your friend unwed one day, and seeing the same friend walk out of the temple, a wife, the next. Although “mourning” isn't the best word, my friends and I spent our time in the temple lobby “mourning” our "loss" even though we were happy for her. When she walked out of the temple she looked beautiful and composed, radiant even. You could tell she was happy, and that made me happy. I guess where the sadness came in --- and this is pretty selfish of me --- is that I imagine my parents want the same kind of wedding for me. They've always looked forward to seeing me have a beautiful temple wedding and a wonderful reception with good friends and family. I can't help but think I'll disappoint my parents when I come out to them. If I ever got married or had a commitment ceremony I know my Dad wouldn't go... I won't muse about it any further. It all just makes me wonder.

--- I promise I wasn't a downer during the wedding! I partied and laughed and even danced (embarassing!). I had a grand time. Line of the night goes to the groom. As he cut the cake he said, “This is the bread of our relationship; it's freakin' good!” How I love those two. They're going to BYU-I, and said they'd visit Provo every once in a while. I can't wait :)

This has just been a crazy week. I really feel like all the loose ends are being tied up, and that this year is coming to a satisfactory close. It's like magic; the plots and subplots of my life here in Virginia are resolving before my eyes, and I'm left to wonder how I ever got so lucky to have so much. I've got the happy and the sad. There has been pain and sorrow, yet so much fulfillment and growth. I've got only so much life behind me, and oh so much more ahead of me... Life's such a lovely, bittersweet thing, and today I savor it.

Rest in peace 2010. This week, as you breathe your last, know that I'll always remember you fondly.