"Oh My Gosh... It's Jesus."/Bright Blue Puppy

“Oh My Gosh... it's Jesus.”

            The sarcasm was dripping from her words, though I don't think she was old enough to know it. There I was, hiding behind the piano in Primary, freezing in that drafty room, looking out on a crowd of squirming children. One of them, apparently, was not happy with the sharing time topic: Jesus Christ.

             We certainly do talk about Jesus a lot in Primary. More so, I think, than we do in any other Sunday School. We talk about Him in such simple terms. Why do we (insert a commandment here)? Because it makes Jesus happy. Simple as that.

             That kind of simplicity keeps me coming to Primary. I'm not a proponent of blind faith; I want to know why what I do makes Jesus happy, it's just... I love playing the piano for the kids. And I really love teaching kids. I admit I really like the lessons too. They're about ten minutes long, usually involve a game, and are very direct. They're lessons about human decency and love, instructions on how to be kind and honest like Jesus Christ. No sarcasm here! I really do look forward to Primary.

             I actually wish we'd spend more time learning about Jesus on Sundays, in Sacrament and other meetings. Out of everything the Church teaches, the Atonement of Jesus Christ is one principle of the Gospel I'm strongly inclined to believe in. I believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ. I guess if I were to use Mormon jargon I'd say, “I know the Atonement of Jesus Christ to be real, and I know Jesus Christ is the Son of God.” But I'm really not into throwing around Mormon “I know...” statements. To say “I know” would be dishonest. I believe I have felt the Holy Spirit confirm truth to me, and Christ's divinity and Atonement are two aspects of the Gospel that I have felt such a confirmation about.

            It just seems, especially when the audience is the youth or the single adults, teachers spend so much time talking about what we shouldn't be doing. Don't drink. Don't smoke. Don't sleep in. Don't be lazy. Don't look at porn. Blah. Blah. Blah. Or, we start talking about a something spiritual and then proceed to get lost in speculation, opinion, and debate (Have you ever sat through a lesson devoted to whether or not the Holy Ghost will get a body? Fortunately I haven't, but I have heard of others who haven't been so lucky.). It's all sooo frustrating. How are we suppose to emulate the Son of God if we don't even talk about Him?

              Regular Sunday School classes also frustrate me because I'd rather be living the Gospel than talking about it. I'd rather cut the lesson on Home Teaching, and visit with my Home Teaching family. Instead of discussing how we should invite people to Church, I'd rather talk about who's interested in coming, and invite them to come. Instead of listening to the crickets chirp in Elder's Quorum, I want to be listening to my brothers talk about their challenges and weaknesses, so we can uplift and edify one another. I want action! I believe Jesus was a man of action!

               If I had it my way, I'd always be in Primary. Sure, the topic of the lessons don't change much, but at least it's the right topic.

Bright Blue Puppy

            I work at a pain-your-own-pottery shop called Color Me Mine. Customers pick out a piece of pottery, they paint it, and I glaze and fire it. It's probably the gayest job I've had... and I love it!

             Sometimes, we have birthday parties at the store. This last weekend I was working one of the biggest birthday parties I have ever worked; there had to be thirty to forty people crammed in that little shop. My job was to pour paint and refill guest's paint palettes. Everyone was constantly running out of this color or that color. I stood next to the paints, attempting to keep everyone well-supplied and happy.

               At the table nearest to me, there was a little boy. I first noticed him when I had to pour him copious amounts of “Caribbean Surf,” a vibrant blue. He and his mother were going to paint this cute little ceramic puppy; it was made to look like it was playfully crouching down with it's haunches high in the air, ready to pounce on some unsuspecting thing. As for the little boy, he looked like he had walked right out of a GAP Kid's ad. His blonde hair was neatly parted, and he wore a green knit sweater and khakis. He couldn't have been any older than five.

               He had a great time painting his puppy that “Caribbean Surf” color. At one point, while I was refilling his palette he exclaimed, “This color is groovy!” I couldn't help smiling, and his mother laughed. She was helping him paint, and she seemed delighted her son was so ecstatic about his bright blue puppy. As the party went on, I noticed that after he finished the puppy, he assisted a girl who was painting a vase. He was helping so much the girl had to push him away to stop him from hogging her project. Later, I overheard him compliment another little girl on her choice of jewelry.

                I have wondered about this little boy. I have no idea if this little boy is gay. He probably doesn't know either. It was just one of those observations that has been stuck in my brain, just a gut feeling that made me wonder. There I was in my dusty, gross apron running around pouring people paint, and there was this little boy happy and smiling and just having a blast. He didn't seem to care that his blue puppy was getting odd remarks, or that his actions might be interpreted as “gay.” His mother seemed really happy too. It was such a simple, unremarkable thing, and yet at that birthday party I was inspired by this little boy. He was being himself, fully and honestly.

            I want to be myself fully and honestly. I've been giving it a lot of thought, and while I'm not ready to tell my family I'm gay, I've decided I'm going to tell another one of my friends. She's at BYU right now, and I've been thinking about how nice it would be to be out to at least one person I go to school with and will see on a regular basis. When she comes back from Provo for Winter Break, we're going to have a talk, a really good one I hope. She's been my friend for forever, and I think she'll take it real well. She might even be excited to have a gay friend :) To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if she already knows... but I guess I'll find out soon enough!