One of my best friends from high school is getting married in a couple of weeks. The day before Thanksgiving, I got a call from her fiance to be one of the groomsmen at their wedding.
I was surprised, to say the least. I'd almost call it shock. Part of that is because I've never been to a Mormon wedding (my friend and her fiance are Mormon) that had a best man, bridesmaids, groomsmen and what have you. I've only gone to a few weddings years ago, so I probably was just young and oblivious to such things. Or is it because the marriage ceremony in the temple doesn't require such “staffing?” I'm not sure. Another reason this offer was so unexpected was because I didn't realize that my friendship merited such an honor. I don't know why, but I can't help but feel surprised whenever I see just how much my friends care for me and want me around. How self-centered and cynical I can be...
I'm very excited to be a groomsman at my friend's wedding. They are getting married in the temple, but they're also having a ring ceremony later the same day because the family of my friend's fiance aren't Mormon. I don't want to say this was “considerate” on the bride and groom's part, because that would make it sound like they're just catering to non-Mormon family members. Instead, I'm excited that they found a way to include all the friends and family. When my parents were married in the temple, my non-Mormon grandparents had to wait on the temple grounds, even though they drove hours to be at their daughter's wedding. It breaks my heart to hear that story, and I'm really glad my friend and her fiance were able to find a way for everyone to be a part of their wedding.
There are other reasons I'm excited for this wedding. I'm not just thrilled that I get to see a good friend be married to a really awesome guy (wayyy better than any she dated in high school, believe me), but because I now have the wondrous adventure of going suit shopping, and because my ex-girlfriend is invited.
First off, suit shopping. I have to go buy a black suit; I only have one baggy, navy blue suit in my closet that I bought for Homecoming sophomore year. If I could travel in time, I would, solely to slap myself in the face for making the purchase. It's not that it's unattractive, but my suit is that particular shade of navy blue that is almost (but certainly isn't) black. Very inconvenient at best when getting dressed up. I was also fatter when I bought it, so it's loose on me. (Hahaha, darn me for being skinny :P) So let the suit fitting adventures begin!
As for seeing my ex-girlfriend, I really hope everything goes well. See, it was this last summer that, in one conversation, we broke up and I came out to her. (Yikes!) After summer break, she went back to college and I stayed home. Now we've had our space to breathe and think about things. We've kept in contact, and remain really good friends. This wedding will be the first time I've seen her since she left for school, so I'm anxious to show her that I have adjusted and am really happy with who I am. While we had our good times together, I was a conflicted, unhealthy mess in our relationship because I hadn't come out to myself, and I was wrestling with my sleeping issues. But that is all in the past now, and this wedding will be a great opportunity to express how happy I am, and just how grateful I am for her continued friendship.
This Christmas wedding will be a gathering of friends past and present to acknowledge the bright future of a happy, very much in love couple. The thought of it makes me feel warm and at peace, and I cannot wait to smile and dance and sing and laugh at this special occasion. In my mind, I can see all the smiling faces of those I have gathered around my own heart. I have had the opportunity to more fully realize the value of my friendship with this bride, and the opportunity to accept and develop a friendship with a dear and special friend. Once again, I sit down on the edge of the “apron stage,” and listen to the silence that accompanies anticipation:
At the wedding, I know I will congratulate my friend with a big hug and a warm smile; she's about to start her own family. At first, it will be her and her husband. Some day, if they so choose, their family will grow one by one. I know they will love their children, and teach them love too...
One day, at my own wedding, I'm going to be congratulated by friends with hugs and smiles. I'll be starting a my own little family. At first, it will just be me and my husband. Some day, our family will grow one by one. I know I'll love each of my children, and I'll teach them love too.
If being gay and Mormon has taught me anything, it's that life doesn't happen according to my plan. Perhaps it happens according to God's plan, which is great. He knows best, so I think I'll stick around. I'll always remember the advice my ex gave me when I came out to her, “...No matter where life takes you...always be true to yourself.” Maybe that's not exactly what she said, but that's what I heard.
Be true to yourself, my friends; it's okay to have dreams.
As I sit on my little stage of silence, I smile. I can't help but think it's no accident that I'm friends with such loving and remarkable people. I can't wait for this wedding!
I've been to a fair amount of temple weddings and they all had a best man, bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc.. Obviously they aren't part of the ceremony in the temple, but there are lots of ways to incorporate them afterward.
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